The Science Behind Falling in Love
- mrsaepts
- Mar 22, 2024
- 9 min read
BY Sanruethai Sangiamsak, Voraveerin Pattanasinwanich, Ornnicha Wongpraparut
EDITED BY Pakpol Kunopasvoraku
The Science Behind Falling in Love
“A heart learns it can fly the moment it falls in love”. Falling in love is the development of strong feelings of attachment and love towards another person. It is often characterized by a combination of intense feelings including attraction, attachment, passion and a sense of euphoria. The initial feeling of being in love is stimulated by three chemicals in the brain: noradrenaline, dopamine and phenylethylamine. Noradrenaline stimulates adrenaline production using the heart to race and palms to sweat. Dopamine is the chemical that makes you feel good and phenethylamine is the chemical that is released when you are near your loved one which gives you butterflies in your stomach.
How do people fall in love?
Falling in love is a mix of feelings, chemistry, compatibility, and timing. It often begins with being drawn to someone’s appearance, body language, voice, or scent. This initial attraction triggers a rush of chemicals in the brain where neurotransmitters like dopamine and serotonin create feelings of excitement, happiness, and pleasure. As people spend more time together, they start to form emotional connections through shared experiences, common interests, and deep conversations. Compatibility also plays an important role in sustaining love between two individuals. When two people have shared values, beliefs, or goals it helps ensure that both individuals would be able to support each other. Trust is another significant part of falling in love. Opening up about dreams and fears helps people connect and understand each other on a deeper level. Over time, love deepens into attachment, where a sense of security and commitment to the relationship grows. However, timing is a crucial factor in falling in love. Many times, two people might have all the right qualities for each other, but if they meet at the wrong time, their relationship may struggle to progress. They may find themselves in the situation of being the “right person, wrong time,” unable to fully develop their relationship together.
Why do you fall in love?
“By nature we are all addicted to love … meaning we want it, seek it and have a hard time not thinking about it. We need attachment to survive and we instinctively seek connection, especially romantic connection. [But] there is nothing dysfunctional about wanting love.”
– Smith, quoted in Berry (2013)
Romantic love happens when the attributes and social factors and circumstances that generate general attraction are particularly strong.
Some of the possible factors:
General attraction (Aron, et al. 1989)
Similarity of people’s beliefs, personality trait and way of thinking
Propinquity or familiarity with one another
Desirable characteristics: Outer physical appearance or personality traits that found desirable
Reciprocal liking: When the other person is attracted to you or likes you, it increases your own liking.
Two further factors that influence people to fall in love, as well as mate selection (Aron, et al. 1989)
Social influence: potential union satisfying social norms—In contrast, if a union is accepted by one’s social network, people can fall out of love as a result.
Filling needs: fulfill the needs for companionship, love, sex or mating increasing chance of falling in love
Five factors for love to be truly passionate (Aron, et al. 1989)
Arousal/unusualness: Unfamiliar, scary, or even dangerous environment can spark passion.
Specific cues: a specific feature of the other that cause strong attraction (e.g. facial features)
Readiness: lower self-esteem making the person inclined to fall in love
Isolation: spending time alone with another person
Mystery: mystery surrounding the other person (e.g. feeling or perception) which can lead to “the willing to explore”
According to college students’ description of experience falling in love in Aron’s experiment, the results show that finding certain characteristics of the other person desirable and reciprocity of the experienced emotions frequently generates general attraction, moderate frequency for factor that sparks passion, and low to moderate the other person perceived as similar to the research participants.
Self-expansion
Our propensity to fall in love when perceived by the other person can be to undergo rapid self-expansion; in other words, it is to give up some personal autonomy. On the other hand, if the person possesses desirable characteristics, their presence can be perceived as an exploration and expression of self rather than loss of freedom. This is also supported by the evidence from neuroscience. The neurochemical profile of people who are in love is associated with low levels of satiation chemical, serotonin (Zeki, 2007). The obsessive component of love appears to have the similarities to obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD).
Several of the passion-generating factors, including arousal/unusualness, readiness, and mystery, lead to the propensity to fall in love and increased anxiety. Consequently, blood levels of adrenaline and other stress chemicals are increased by anxiety triggers.
Fear-arousing suspension bridge
According to Dutton & Aron (1974), more men fell in love with attractive female interviewers who asked them questions in anxiety-provoking situations (a fear-arousing suspension bridge) compared to calm situations (a non-fear arousing bridge). Meeting someone in a stressful situation can cause us to fall in love.
Proximity with Reward and Motivation
The more proximity to a new lover, the higher levels of the reward and motivation chemical (Dopamine)—craving stimulants (Aron et al, 2005). Aron et al used functional magnetic resonance imaging to study people who were intensely in love from 1 to 17 months. The subjects were compared between viewing a photograph of their beloved and photograph of a familiar person. In response to the photographs of the individual the subject was in love with, the experimental group has the heightened brain activation in the ventral tegmental area and the right postero-dorsal body and medial caudate nucleus—dopamine-rich areas. Dopamine activates the reward circuit, helping to make love a pleasurable experience similar to the euphoria associated with use of cocaine or alcohol. According to the research by the University of California, San Francisco, 2012 in Science, the study presented that male fruit flies that were sexually rejected drank four times as much alcohol as fruit flies that mated with female fruit flies. In other words, it’s another way of getting the reward circuits going.
Self-expansion model proposed by Aron & Aron (1986)
When a person conceives of their love interest with him or herself forming a tight union, the desirable characteristics of the beloved trigger a reward response. that prompt us to go out to find potential partners in order to experience the most intense feeling of reward.
Similarity and propinquity factors not only have side effects in the initial stage of falling in love, but also in the duration of love (Avcevedo & Aron, 2009). Familiarity and similarity make it less likely of expansion when he or she is included in your life. From neuroscience study, low levels of serotonin are counteracted by similarity and familiarity, preventing people from falling in love. At later stages of relationship with high levels of the attachment and bonding, oxytocin and vasopressin are shown to increase during the phase of fostering romantic attachment and pair bonding (Zeki, 2007).
Why do you fall in love so fast (Love Toxicity)
The “happy chemicals,” like dopamine, oxytocin, and endorphins which cause the feeling of infatuation and obsession over a partner not only cause people to fall in love. When the chemicals combine with physical affection, romantic ideas of love, and insecure attachment, it can lead to the feeling of “falling in love without thinking.” A new meta-analysis study conducted by Syracuse University Professor Stephanie Ortigue shows that falling in love only takes about a fifth of a second.
Addiction of love
Insecure Attachment style: is the attachment style based on needs the person doesn't meet when they are infants.
Anxious Attachment Style
Avoidant Attachment Style
Disorganized Attachment Style
Low self-esteem
Not setting boundaries
Teenagers and Love
Teenagers experience intense emotions due to hormonal changes and brain development in puberty. This causes the passionate and impulsive traits to stand out. The amplification causes teenagers to be more susceptible to the exhilarating highs of romantic feeling. Additionally, adolescents are influenced by social media and peers which can lead to the culture of “finding soulmates,” or breaking up. As a result, these factors may lead to the appearance of falling in love quickly.
Physical Symptoms
Being in love is like a drug addiction
Researchers have found that falling in love is much like the sensation of feeling addicted to drugs with the release of euphoria including brain chemicals such as dopamine, oxytocin, adrenaline and vasopressin. These chemicals are released throughout different points of attraction and help you bond with your loved one. The more time you spend with your love done, the more addicted you will become.
Cheeks flush, palms sweat and heart races
Before meeting with your loved one, you might notice that your heart rate and your hands get sweatier. These feelings and sensations are the stimulation of adrenaline and norepinephrine. This can lead to having a physical sensation of craving and the desire to focus your attention on that person.
Pupils dilate
When you are attracted to someone, there is a simulation in your nervous system‘s sympathetic branch which causes your eyes to dilate.
Voice might get higher
Researchers have found that when women spoke to men they were more attracted to physically, their voice tended to get higher and more feminine.
May gain weight
People tend to gain weight as they settle into relationships. When entering a relationship, many people starch their boundaries. They may eat more frequently. Many couples go out to eat on dates, trying new restaurants and cuisines. Researchers concluded that the reason why couples gain weight is because they are less motivated to maintain their weight when they no longer need to attract a mate.
Might have trouble sleeping
The feel-good crush-like symptoms may cause disturbance to your sleep. According to a story of adolescents, when you are in the initial stages of euphoria, you may feel more energized and positive in the early morning and evenings, causing you to not sleep well or have restless sleep. These effects of the secretion of hormones can also affect your ability to focus during the day as well.
Psychological Symptoms
Falling in love can trigger a variety of psychological responses as individuals experience intense emotions and shifts in their thoughts and behaviors.
Euphoria
Typically, individuals often experience a sense of euphoria or intense happiness when they're in love. This feeling is triggered by neurotransmitters like dopamine and serotonin, creating feelings of pleasure and excitement.
Obsessive Thinking
People in love often find themselves constantly thinking about their partner, replaying conversations, envisioning future scenarios, or reflecting on shared moments.
Increased energy
Additionally, falling in love can ignite a person’s energy and motivation, leading them to feel more alive and look forward to spending time with their partner. This deep connection can also enhance self-esteem and confidence as individuals feel valued and appreciated by their partner.
Loss of Appetite or Overeating
Despite the positive aspects, the experience of falling in love, however, may disrupt eating and sleeping patterns, resulting in a loss of appetite due to butterflies in the stomach or sleeping disturbances from obsessive thoughts about their loved one.
Increased Empathy
Moreover, falling in love can heighten emotional sensitivity, causing individuals to experience intense highs and lows as they deeply empathize with their partner’s emotions.
Anxiety and Insecurity
Furthermore, individuals may experience anxiety and fears, such as the fear of rejection or loss of the relationship, leading to overthinking, stress, and unnecessary worrying about the future of their relationship.
Conclude
The topic of love has received high attention in psychological literature, yet it’s one of the least understood topics. Generally, love is categorized as lust, attraction, and attachment. It is in relation to chemical change produced by the brain and physical symptoms leading to a combination of intense feelings. Falling in love can have paradoxical effects on the person—while it cause “initial happy feelings,” it can create stress.
Works Cited
Missouri. “What Makes People Fall in Love?” Missouri Partners in Prevention,
www.mopip.org/blog/2023/02/13/what-makes-people-fall-in-love/. Accessed 10 Mar. 2024.
“9 Signs That You’re Falling in Love, According to Psychologists.” The Independent, Independent
Digital News and Media, 14 Feb. 2023,
“The Early Stages of Falling in Love.” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers,
10 Mar. 2024.
Acevedo, B P.; Aron, A. Does a long-term relationship kill romantic love? Review of General
Psychology, Vol 13(1), 59-65. 2009.
Aron, A & Aron, EN. Love and the Expansion of Self: Understanding Attraction and Satisfaction, New
York, NY, US: Hemisphere Publishing Corp/Harper & Row. 1986.
Aron, EN & Aron, A.“Love and Expansion of the Self: The State of the Model”, Personal Relationships
3, 1: 45–58. 1996.
Aron A, Dutton DG, Aron, EN, Iverson, A.“Experiences of Falling in Love”, Journal of Social and
Personal Relationships August 6, 3: 243-257. 1989.
Aron A, Fisher H, Mashek DJ, Strong G, Haifang Li H, Brown LL. “Reward, Motivation, and Emotion
Systems Associated With Early-Stage Intense Romantic Love”, Journal of Neurophysiology 94,
1: 327-337. 2005.
Dutton, D.G., & Aron, A.P. “Some Evidence for Heightened Sexual Attraction Under Conditions of High
Anxiety”, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 30 (4), 510-517. 1974.
Zeki, S.“The Neurobiology of Love”, FEBS Letters 581, 14: 2575–2579. 2007.
BetterHelp Editorial Team. “I Think I Fall in Love Too Easily: How Can I Stop? | BetterHelp.” Betterhelp.com, BetterHelp, 25 June 2019, www.betterhelp.com/advice/love/i-think-i-fall-in-love-too-easily-how-can-i-stop/.
Earp, Brian D., et al. “Addicted to Love: What Is Love Addiction and When Should It Be Treated?” Philosophy, Psychiatry, & Psychology, vol. 24, no. 1, 2017, pp. 77–92, https://doi.org/10.1353/ppp.2017.0011.
Edwards, Scott. “Love and the Brain.” Hms.harvard.edu, 2015, hms.harvard.edu/news-events/publications-archive/brain/love-brain#:~:text=Being%20love%2Dstruck%20also%20releases.
“Falling in Love Only Takes about a Fifth of a Second, Research Reveals.” ScienceDaily, www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/10/101022184957.htm.
“Is Teen Love Real & Can It Last? | Betterhelp.” Www.betterhelp.com, www.betterhelp.com/advice/love/is-teen-love-real-can-it-last/.
“The 11 Reasons We Fall in Love.” Psychology Today, 2017, www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-mysteries-love/201701/the-11-reasons-we-fall-in-love.
Comments